I had never been to a bachelorette party until last night because the only weddings I’ve ever really been to have been those of my big sisters, who both got married at age 22, when I was 14 (they are just perfectly spaced in age for this to occur). Obviously I was not allowed to join the festivities or speak at the wedding.
I had expected that my first bachelorette party would involve doing these things:
1. Ice breaker games
2. Wrapping the bride up in toilet paper until it looks like a wedding dress
3. Getting asked many many times when I’m going to get married
In reality, it was an almost 24-hour drink fest with much more dirty antics than I can remember my sisters being interested in. We drank out of penis straws. We ate a penis cake. The bride wore a penis-veil on her head. Everyone was forced to wear a visor that said “I <3 [something]” while we went out on the town.
I was given “I <3 mustache rides” since my boyfriend has a mustache. Another girl, admittedly the smallest and most youthful looking of our bunch, proudly wore a hat that said, “I <3 child porn” and posed wearing it for gaping onlookers. The one hat that no one wanted to wear said, “I <3 anal.” Drunk people might just take that a little too seriously.
We tried to go to a couple strip clubs but the first one would not allow the one minor in our party to sneak in and the second one tried to charge us all $9 for a glass of water. We watched half a dance by a girl wearing only a thong and decided that no one wanted to pay $9 for more, not if there was no booze involved.
At the end of the night the bride told the cab driver she loved him and invited him over for penis cake. He politely declined.