1. You feel bad sending your usual daily texts like, “Just ate something with buffalo sauce - what you up to?” in case you end up sounding like ‘the ol’ ball and chain’ to a bunch of drunk guys being purposely away from all females that are not strippers or bartenders.
2. You already have a political stance on the stripper thing. (Do people still do that?) You’re ok with it you think as long as nothing gets too cheat-y. A lap dance would make you feel squeamish but you picture it being kind of ironic/ silly and you could get through it.
3. When you finally do send a random text, his friend answers it with a picture of his clothed-crotch. You realize it’s not your boyfriend’s crotch cuz he doesn’t have those jeans/ shoes so you just say, “Oh … who’s crotch is texting me?” Crotch friend texts back a friendly “Hello, how are you, I’ll tell him you rang.”
4. You get a late night text from boyfriend looking drunk in a furry winter hat with friends. You say, “Been drinking all day?” He says, “I have welts.”