I rented this movie because I have generally liked vampire stories my whole life (I blame you, Buffy) and this one seemed cool. For example:
Tilda Swinton. Cool.
A dystopian future where humans are stumbling through life like “zombies.” Cool.
A setting that skips from Tangiers to Detroit. Cool.
What really happened though was that this movie was not cool. It was arty and intellectual and pretentious without ever being interesting or new in any way. All the characters had very literary names. Adam. Eve. Marlowe. Watson. I hate that shit. LOST the show, looking at you. Can’t we just assume you’re well-read if you’re a screenwriter? Do you have to point it out like that?
This movie was very slow. Adam was way too into guitars. I don’t ever want to sit and watch a guy look at or talk about guitars. He also had a lot of pseudo-intellectual diatribes about society. Eve usually put him in his place for those, although watching this conversation play out over and over again is really boring.
There’s a lot of intense music while people walk around very dramatically. Not my thing.
The only interesting part was when Eve’s sister Ava comes into the movie. She is a bad girl and has fun being a vampire and doesn’t feel that it needs to be a pseudo-intellectual, slow-paced experience.
To be honest I didn’t finish this movie. It was so boring. I give it one flask of blood out of five.